This is the hardest thing I have ever had to share and it's something I honestly never thought I would experience. This past week I went through a miscarriage. The Lord blessed me with being able to carry a life inside me for 6 weeks, and sadly that journey has ended. Experiencing a loss like this is something no one can ever prepare for, and for those women who were brave enough to share with me previously that you have gone through a miscarriage, I am truly sorry.
Being pregnant was the most wonderful feeling in the world (besides the nausea literally 24/7). The fact that Dane and I had been trying for 3 years and that it finally happened was just an unexplainable feeling. The more unbelievable part was that I actually got pregnant naturally, with not fertility treatments or medicines. We were thinking of names for our baby, planning on where we would put the crib in our tiny one bedroom home, and just dreamt about our future with the new little life we had created. Then April 10th I had an ultrasound that changed everything.
2 weeks prior to that I had an ultrasound that showed the baby's heartbeat. It was such an amazing thing. The doctor was worried though because the baby was measuring smaller than it should have been. Because of that, she wanted to see me again in 2 weeks. I wanted to be cautious, but I was just so happy! We had a heartbeat and I could actually see the baby forming inside me! As the days went on though, I tried not to think about it, but the thought did come up. What if something really is wrong? April 10th came and there I was, looking at the doctor's face as she studied the monitor. I knew it wasn't good. She told us the baby's heart had stopped beating and it hadn't grown since the last time I was in, 2 weeks ago. Dane was with me at that appointment which was a comfort. We cried on the way home and for the next 3 days. It broke my heart to see Dane like that because I know how much he wants to be a dad.
We were and still are very angry and just didn't understand why God would put us through this torture? We have tried and prayed for 3 years for this and then it was taken away so suddenly. We don't know why God allowed this and we probably never will. But we do have hope. The fact that I got pregnant naturally and with no help is a huge hope for us. It showed us that it is possible. We are holding on tightly to that hope. I' not sharing this to get attention or for people to feel sorry for me. I'm hoping for the opposite actually. I'm sharing this because I started this blog to tell people about my story with infertility and I know there are so many people who have been praying for me and Dane. We share this and ask for continued prayer. That God will give us comfort and closure and a new trust in Him because at this point we honestly don't have much of it.
We thank you in advance for your prayers. You don't know how much it will help us get through this, and we thank you for investing your time in this journey Dane and I are on. Knowing we have the love and support is something we can never say thank you for enough. I will continue to keep you updated on our journey as things pick up again. We still have hope that God will bless Dane and me with the family we desire and have prayed for, but as always, it is in His timing. Much love to you all. "The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord." Job 1:21
